A penny for your Thoughts: Bitter-Sweet Symphony

Life has been full of adventure and joy lately. Everything seems to be falling into the right places. My health has gradually become better as my cholesterol goes down, my thyroid balances out and my blood sugar steadily decreases.

The student ministries, (Transformers, 412, and Fusion), is slowly but gradually growing, and the fire and passion in our core students has increased incredibly. My heart is overwhelmed as I look around and watch our students, from Junior high to College age, lose themselves in worship and God's word. We have talked a lot about unity and working as a team lately. We have driven home the need to love one another and live in a community together, before God will allow our ministry to grow.

I was really doubtful at first when God laid this on my heart to share with our students, because I felt our group was very set in their "Cliques" and would not want the change. But God always knows better, and it was amazing to watch our group mesh and become a real family. Our group is so unique. The ages range so wide, from 12 to 26. We have so many "individuals" with their own style and ways of thinking, yet they all seem to get along and work as if they were the same.

This simple fact, that a group so diverse, can work so well together really makes my heart happy. Because of this, no one ever does the same thing, their jobs are all different, but they all work to help each other to accomplish the same goal. It has made me ecstatic to hear different students come to me and say they love how amazing our group is, and how much it means to them to have a family to come to.

This past week has been spring break for many of our students and almost every day I have had more than 2 students in our offices or over at my house, just because they want to be at the church or with the group. We had 12 students over last night just to eat and hang out with their "Family". I can not explain the feeling I get knowing that God is working in our group, but not just that, but also that He is using me to help in this process. Of all people He called me to this group at this time. This alone keeps me smiling everyday.

But along with all of this joy my heart has been hit with much sorrow lately as well. God has been placing on my heart a burden for those who do not know Him personally. My heart has literally been breaking over the knowledge that people everyday are dying without knowing Him. They can not change their belief anymore, they can not turn and ask for help. They are eternally separated from God, from redemption, from love, and from a savior. I feel like God has been showing me His heart, and allowing it to break as His breaks. This sorrow and pain is not just for people outside of our church, but in our church. My heart mourns over kids and students in our group.

Their is this one particular kid that God has placed on my heart lately. His brother is in Fusion, our college group, and is the main reason he started coming to church. He has grown so much since he started coming over a year ago. But his heart is still so far from where it needs to be. Though he has realized how incredible Jesus is, and how significant His sacrifice and life was, he is not willing to give up many of the things that separate him from God. He keeps saying "I believe everything. It's OK, and I know I have to keep believing." But he does not want to put the faith into action. It taste good on his tongue, but doesn't jive with his step, and it breaks me.

He walked into my house tonight with a cigarette tucked behind his ear. It took me a minute to catch what it was. I pulled it out while asking, "What is this?" He didn't even hesitate to answer, "It's my cigarette" and snatch it back quickly and put it back behind his ear.

"Dude. Why?" is all I could get out. He tried to explain how he doesn't smoke often, only socially, but I could tell he had a hard time getting out a good excuse. It was like he is searching for anything to fill up some void he has. He gets into so much trouble as it is.

And so with my joy, comes sorrow. It's been a bitter sweet symphony for me. As things fall into place, and things begin to change, I want to just celebrate in what is happening, but it seems like no matter how much progress we make, there is always the few things that seem to bring me back down to earth.